Love Your Body with Rachel Lavin

On this episode of Another Way To See It, we talk with BodyLove educator, author, and speaker, Rachel Lavin, about her book: The Doughnut Diaries,  and her journey to wellness and self-love.

 

Connect with Rachel:

https://www.instagram.com/rachellavinwellness/

Buy the book:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-doughnut-diaries-rachel-lavin/1140615210

We always love to hear from you, reach out:
https://www.instagram.com/anotherwaytoseeitpodcast/

Support our show:   https://www.buzzsprout.com/1694878/supporters/new

Coaches:
Kim Moran

https://www.kimmorancoaching.com/

https://www.instagram.com/kimcalifornia/

Randy Poindexter

https://www.redesignyourinternalblueprints.com/about

https://www.instagram.com/the.randy.lee/

Tracy Holemeyer

https://www.uncontrollablyme.com/

https://www.instagram.com/uncontrollably_me/

Produced by: Kim Moran

Music: River Lies in Wait  L-Ray Music

Transcript

Speaker A: This is another way to see it. A show about perspective. I'm Randy, once lost soul, now on my path to flowing freely and curiously throughout my days, challenging myself daily to not only question the day to day moments, but to embrace them. Meeting myself right where I'm at and meant to be. Living this way has allowed me to meet others where they are walking beside them to help navigate some of the hurdles we all face, helping them to be free flowing on their own journey.

Speaker B: Hello, I am Tracy, a Somatic practitioner deeply rooted in the earth while simultaneously stretching towards the heavens, attempting to become a better ancestor each day by committing to well being for all. I am a steward of healing and initiatory experiences and stay inspired by the capacity for resiliency and expansion in this human form, including soul and spirit. I love helping others along the path each moment, movement and breath. We are gifted.

Speaker C: I'm Kim. I aspire to be a spiritual friend, helping you connect with the most authentic parts of who you are while navigating life in the real world and all of its complexities. I have a lifetime of experiences, deep intuitive gifts and a very unique way of seeing things. I may have my head in the clouds, but my feet are firmly planted in the earth. Every episode, we hope to offer alternative ways of seeing and navigating everyday circumstances, giving you glimpses of possibility, a sense of community and tools to help you on your journey.

Speaker A: Thanks for tuning into another way to see it. I'm your co host Randy, alongside Kim Moran and missing today is Tracy. So we do this podcast, I think for several reasons, but one that's kind of really sticking out for me today is that we bring topics forward that people struggle with and not only struggle with but don't know how to have a conversation around it. And we're lucky to have a guest today that's going to bring something forward that I think women struggle with as well as men. So I'm excited to have this conversation. Today we have rachel Lavin is a published author of the Donut Diaries, professional speaker, body love, educator, certified health coach and personal trainer. Going through decades of trying to fit into a box made by others, she got sick and tired of it. That's when her shift happened and she took her power back to work on herself. During the healing and personal growth, she wanted to help others with the same topics she struggled with. Her mission is to create a space for all women to feel whole in their own bodies. Welcome, Rachel.

Speaker D: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to speak to both of Good good.

Speaker A: How are you, Kim?

Speaker C: I'm excited to talk to Rachel. I'm very curious. She's got a lot of expertise, so I'm really ready to dive in and I guess the first thing is if I could, randy I don't want to, of course, ask you, Rachel, just to talk a little bit about yourself and how you found yourself writing this book. What in your own life sort of felt like a need or a gift that you had to offer?

Speaker D: Okay, well, let me just start by saying that I have been a female in the fitness industry for over 20 years. So that was an extra added pressure to what I already had done to myself since I was eleven years old. That's how early I was conscious of my body and how different it was. So this is something that has been a lifelong issue for me. And turning 40 was such a pivotal moment because like Randy said in my bio, I just got sick of being miserable and unhappy and not knowing who I was. And I love to point out that when I turned 40, I was literally a size friggin zero. I had finally got that perfect body I'd always been striving for. But I was so miserable, I had no idea who I was, no idea what I was trying to do with my presence here on this earth. I just felt lost. And I just decided at that moment I needed to heal from my trauma. I needed to start seeing myself in a different light. I needed to start being kind to myself. But of course you're sitting there having all these thoughts and you're like, well, how do I actually do that? So not only having a really good therapist, but I believe strongly that when you put something out in the universe, the universe answers. And people were coming in my life, books were coming in my life. The message of keep going was coming into my life since 40. We're here. Fast forwarding almost twelve years later and I feel pretty proud of myself. I feel pretty healed. I know there are things that will pop up probably forever, but the tools that I have to do that are much more solidified in who I am now. So I hope that answered your question.

Speaker A: Yeah, I want to kind of just go ahead and just dive right into it. You already mentioned that at eleven is when you felt and aware of your body doing all the inner work and navigating those traumas. Is that where it stemmed from, you think, like, around that age? And if so, what were the factors, what was happening internally to start that journey?

Speaker D: Absolutely, yes. I've definitely learned that that was a pivotal kind of awareness for me at such a young age, because here I am at the end of fifth grade, I've already got *****, I started my period. Those were things that were thrown in my face. It's like, you're different, you're different. And I always felt like I had a different body than the girls I grew up with. And I had women in my family who were always talking about their body or always on a diet. So again, just being fortified into who I was was, well, I have to do that now, too, and I have to do this now, and I'm different. And so instead of having good role models and again, I grew up in the so that was the Kate Moss era where all the models were stick thin, and there was always a new fad diet out there. And so that was just being thrown in my face all the time. I am not born with the gift of being naturally thin. It is not something I'm putting myself down for. It's a fact. I embrace it. It's who I am. But then it was just like, why can't I look like them? Why do I have to struggle with going up and down and fluctuating with my body weight? It just was something from then on until, like I said, turning 40. It was this thought that was in my mind every single day of my life.

Speaker C: I feel so deeply when you're talking about that. It hurts me that there are millions of women and young women and girls even, who are walking around with this idea that something is wrong with them, that the natural processes that a female body goes through somehow make us wrong or not acceptable. It hurts me to my core. And so what you're doing is very powerful medicine in the world.

Speaker D: I appreciate that because even though we've come so far in how we appreciate women, little girls are still feeling this way, and I really love talking to them because it's never too early to start putting that positive message of loving your body no matter what it looks like it's out there.

Speaker A: Well, just society has programmed, especially women, to look a certain way and to fit in this mold. And it's like, at what point do you have those conversations with the girls and the young women that you're supposed to be different, where no one's the same? So you say you love having those conversations, and it's like, how would you promote more of it with talking to parents talking? What do you think your formula is to help get rid of that? And do you think it will be getting rid of I keep thinking you're done.

Speaker D: I'm so sorry. But you're so right. It is literally having those conversations with the parents because that's where you learn it. I'm sorry. That is where if mom has a really unhealthy relationship with her own body and little Sally is hearing mommy saying, I have to be on a diet or this doesn't fit, or I'm ugly, or, you know, all the things that we say to ourselves as women, she's hearing that, and she's embracing that, and she's creating that as her story. And I think that, Moms, you have to heal from that stuff, especially if you have little well, like you said, this is affecting men and boys, too. So I'm learning, the more I'm in this space, I have to start including that. But if you can tell me that there's not one woman out there that doesn't have something image wise wrong with their body, then my work is done. Right. So I do believe that men suffer too, but women are almost born into feeling like they're not good enough. It's almost literally you come into this world having a complex about your body.

Speaker C: And that's where my mind goes. Yeah. Because if we are fighting with ourselves, we don't have the energy or the awareness to see what's really going on in the world and to be powerful and impactful in the world about real issues. Because how our body looks is I mean, unless you're very unhealthy, it's nobody else's business. Right. And it's not even worth spending the energy on unless it's in pursuit of health and wellness, right, and happiness and joy. But when spending so much time thinking about ourselves and how other people perceive ourselves, we can't fight the good fight. In a way, it's just so obvious to me, and yet it's so pervasive and so deep. And I wonder if, in your time of healing, you came across Bessel van der Kolk's work. The body keeps the score, anything around trauma and how it's held in the body. Because in my experience, having been very athletic and had lots of different trainers and had friends that were trainers, it's not really something that I have encountered trainers being proficient in how to deal with trauma when it comes up because you start asking people to move their bodies, and all of a sudden emotions come up and they're like, I'm not a psychologist. I don't deal with this, but, baby, you're on the front line. I wonder if you could speak to that a little bit.

Speaker D: Oh, my goodness. Absolutely. Immediately, a handful of women come to my mind when you said that, because you're right. And if they did have a really big transformation with me as far as getting down in their body fat, it was almost this codependent relationship between me and them. It's like, I can't do this without you. I can't do this without you. And I started to realize towards the end of my career, which kind of COVID took from me, okay, I have to shift here. I have to do something because I want women to feel empowered. I want you to go out into the world and move your body and not think that I can't do this without Rachel. And I know there's a lot of relationships like that, and some trainers even create that environment because they're wanting the money. And I get it. Please, I lived as a trainer for 20 years. I get it. But you can be truthful, you can be honest, and you can be educational, and you can also be a support system and not be a codependent and still make great money I don't think that trainers understand there is enough for all of us to go around. Right. But we have to evolve. We have to understand that what you're telling your client is literally what you told a client 20 years ago. You need to grow too. And I think for me, doing kind of having this shift and doing this work now is me doing that because there's no way in a good conscious could I come and have a woman come to me and be like, okay, I need to lose 20 pounds for this wedding. I'm in in, like, two weeks. Normally, I would have been like, Great, let's do this. But now there's no way I could ever do that. I can't. I mean, I've grown too much for myself, and to treat another woman like that, I could never do that again.

Speaker C: What has changed in you? Like, if someone were coming to you with that goal, what does that signify to you and what does your response look like? And why is it different than it was 20 years ago?

Speaker D: Well, because the fact that dieting and crash dieting and over exercising is literally damaging our bodies and doing yes, of course, every single diet works in the beginning. And I love to say that because it's true until it doesn't, until your body wises up and says, you are doing something to me and we are stopping. And that's where you hear people complain about, well, I'm gaining weight instead of losing weight, or I'm not losing any more weight, or I'm exhausted, or something is going on in their body that's trying to tell you, you are hurting me. And so that's what I try to educate people on. It's like, hey, doing this to your body over and over again is only going to be the complete opposite result of what you're looking for. And I'm not trying to be mean to you. And I said, you should have started getting ready for this wedding, like, a year ago. All I can do for you is create a full body exercise program that will benefit you from here until the end of your days. But I don't recommend any kind of crash diet or fad diet or any kind of two to three times a day working out. I can't do that for you. I'm not the trainer for you.

Speaker A: What's the feedback that you usually get from that when you come from that truthful, honest perspective?

Speaker D: I mean, since COVID happened, and I haven't actually been actively searching for clients, I haven't had to deal with that on a professional level, but I have had to deal with that on a friendship level. So if it's okay, I'll answer it. Coming from that perspective, I get a lot of turning up their nose at me like, I don't know what I'm talking about or I'm full of **** because I don't think that people understand the level of what we do to our bodies when we're dieting like that, it just doesn't compute. When I start to hear the latter things, like I talked about, like, hey, I'm not losing weight, or I'm always hungry or whatever, I try to come at them with an empathetic line of questioning, like, hey, maybe let's try this. Or do you think that possibly you don't feel good because you're not eating enough? I'm trying to get them to think for themselves, right. And think about it logically instead of me just coming with the fix it. I know that's a trainer mentality. You just want to fix it. You just want that person to get to the goal or get to the whatever. And I'm trying to get here as more of a coach and more as a person who's helping you kind of walk back to yourself. And I can't do that in fix rate mode. So this is a learning lesson for me too.

Speaker A: Yeah, I can't help but want to kind of dive deep into this because I think it's so surface level is, okay, I want to lose 20 pounds for this wedding. That's surface level. And for you to ask questions and to dig deeper. I think that's where the importance is not so much like, don't get me wrong. I think if you have health issues and you need to be on a diet and you need to exercise fully, support it, right. But it comes down to intention. As the individual, what's the intention of why you want to work out or go on that diet? Is it health reason or to make others for you to fit into that mold? And then on the tail end, is the intention of the trainer or the coach of are they in it to help others or to pocket money? And so, like, you talking about the codependency. I mean, they feed on that. It's job security for them. And so you're breaking that mold by asking those questions and diving deep. And it's like those are the relationships and those are the clients that are meant for you, because in that time, they're ready to explore that. And it's just I feel especially in the health world, in the fitness world, there's billions of dollars being made, right? How do you break that cycle? And this is how you do it by you authentically showing up and breaking that. But it's these conversations, it's these questions, it's these podcast episodes that you're putting yourself out there to talk about the struggles and why you do what you do now. And what would you say to the women that push back against it? Do you just let them go? Do you try to hold space for them to still continue? What do you do with your clients now?

Speaker D: It's definitely a conversation on my end, but like I said before, I'm still learning how to have these conversations because when somebody says something to me that is so stupid or antiquated. My initial reaction is to kind of be like, oh my God, they're so dumb. But people don't respond to that. So I'm trying to come from a place of love, to be perfectly honest with you, and say something like to make you think. And for a client who just a woman that I have that beforehand, she just didn't eat regularly. She didn't eat enough for her daily activities. Forget even working out, she just didn't eat enough food. And she would talk about being tired and this and that and all kinds of things. And I finally said to her, I would never ask you to Food Journal because I think that's another way to shame people, but I would love you to just kind of think about what you eat in a day and then let's talk about it. Let's talk about how much you're eating versus your activity level. And I think that I also say you have to maybe embrace that you're being lied to by the health and fitness industry. And if we really want to get deep on things, the antiquated information that's out there that is unfortunately still being used today as a literally barometer of health, like a 2000 calorie a day diet. Yeah, if you're two people in general don't eat enough calories for their daily activities and I think that that is going to be the hardest lie for me to prove wrong because we've lived it for I know I'm 50 and I've heard that since I can remember hearing information. So for us to believe that we're only allowed 2000 calories and then when we're trying to lose weight, we have to down that like by 500. No wonder there's a lot of cranky people around.

Speaker C: So interesting to me because especially with the advent of drugs like Wagovian Ozempic, I really see that people want an instant fix. If I do x y will happen, right? Instead of asking questions about what is it that I actually want? Why am I eating now? How does my body want to move? Do I need to rest now? Turning over their like, we talk about empowerment. What does that mean? Finding someone else to help you? Right? And that's great. We all need support, but we can't turn over our own power. If you are told to eat broccoli and you hate broccoli, then don't freaking eat broccoli, right? That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense because you're going to end up resenting it and that resentment will be in your body and then you're fighting against yourself. So it's just so fascinating to me how, like you said, what we've been told, the stories we tell ourselves, we're up against it.

Speaker D: I recognize that. And even on days where I'm just like, I'm not making any headway, I'm not getting through, then I have a conversation like this with amazing people. I'm like, okay, I am spreading a message that needs to be heard. It might take me for the rest of my life to penetrate the lies that we've been told, but I don't see how else to do it other than through my own actions. So here I am.

Speaker C: You're absolutely right. And I want to just maybe spend a little bit of time talking about this multimodal approach to healing that you actually took. I mean, you weren't just in a gym, right? You were speaking to a therapist and possibly nutritionists and all of that. It's not that simple, but it's not that difficult either, if you're open to it. Can you just talk a little bit about all the different modalities that you used or have used or encourage people to use?

Speaker D: Of course. I think that you brought up a very valid point. It is important to know that you are the last person that you should be listening to. Right. Again, it's my thoughts, it's my body. It's the way I feel about myself. But getting there when you've been stuck in your trauma for however many years, there's no way you can do it by yourself. You don't know where to go. And I think that it's important to get a good therapist, get a good nutritionist, make sure that the first thing they're not saying to you is like, we're going to cut your calorie. No, we need to figure out what foods work best for you. And I love what you said a few minutes ago. It's like if you're force feeding yourself a certain food or a certain family of foods and you hate it, so many people do that to themselves because they think, okay, I have to eat healthy, and that means that I have to live on kale. And I love to give people that freedom back. It's like there are so many beautiful, nutrient packed foods out there that you are going to love and you're going to enjoy eating, and it's not going to be a chore. And if there's any food in your life that you feel that way about, guess what? I'm giving you permission. Get rid of it. You don't need to do that to yourself because, again, you said perfectly, I resent this going in my mouth. I hate this going in my mouth. Even if it is chock full of nutrients, your body is not going to absorb that because it's going in with pain. Right? So instead of doing that to yourself, find and it does take some work. It does take some work to sit here and say, okay, this food works really well with my body. I feel energized. I'm sleeping better, I'm in a good mood. Okay, that's on my list of foods that work well with me. I hate kale more than life itself. I hate it. And honestly, it doesn't do well in my system. It makes me bloat. It gives me gas. It just doesn't work on my body. So it's not even a thing. I don't ever look at it. I don't ever think about it. I just don't eat it. So that part of my life did take some figuring out. It does take some time. But the effort was so much, it was well worth it because now I don't have to think about foods that go on my body. I eat and I move. You know, there are so many beautiful I'd love to actually read that book that you mentioned, but a book that was so instrumental for me. Well, there's two actually. One is called The Untethered Soul by Michael. A singer. And that just talks about how much stock we put in our own thoughts and ourselves and we don't really pay attention to the beauty of the world. I love that book. And then The Four Agreements is an amazing book too. And I did journal, I did do things like that. I did affirmations. So I kind of tried a little bit of everything at the beginning of the journey and what stuck still sticks and some things didn't. I don't know why I can't stick with a meditation but I do like to do it. I just don't know why I can't make it a part of my daily life.

Speaker A: But whatever.

Speaker C: Thank you for sharing because I do think it's body, mind, spirit, the whole thing, right? Body, mind, soul. Like you got to get in everywhere to heal this. And you do definitely need supports along the way. Something that I've been meaning to ask you because in the various sports I've played and the various trainers I've had, there's kind of this idea that you got to be tough, you got to push yourself. That criticism is the thing that's going to get you over the line. And I'm in my fifty s now. It doesn't work for me. I don't like to be yelled at.

Speaker A: So you know, I'm not that age and I don't like to be yelled at.

Speaker C: But sometimes we think that's the way that we're going to get there, right? That someone has to be tough. And so I want to have this podcast to help people build discernment. To help people start asking questions that are going to help them have better lives. If I were looking for a fitness or a wellness professional, what are some of the things that you might recommend people look for? Can you give us some kind of tips?

Speaker D: Absolutely. Just like you have to kind of know what foods work for you, you have to know what kind of fitness works for you. And again I recommend you trying all kinds of things to see what feels good to your body. Let me just kind of do a little side thing. We have all forgotten how to trust our bodies. We have literally all forgotten. So we have to be reintroduced to that. Our bodies are so friggin smart. And I love to use this simple, simple example, right? Have you ever, ever in your life, except maybe when you were in diapers, had to tell your body, I need to go to the bathroom? Have you ever? No, you have not. Your body knows it gives you a signal, I have to pee. The same thing happens to you when you're hungry. Your stomach growls or you feel low energy. We have literally learned how to ignore those signals and, oh, I'm not hungry, or I don't want to eat, or I don't need to eat. And if I can help people find their way back to that, I would love to really focus on that. But as far as finding yourself a trainer, if that's something that you want, then you need to a first of all, just have an initial conversation with someone. It's almost like you're interviewing someone. Maybe pick three people, maybe two women and a man or different ages, whatever. And the first thing that they should have is credentials. Okay, I'm sorry. They need to be certified in some shape or form. Secondly, kind of hear what they do to themselves, like how do they work out? How do they eat? And does that fit for you? Are you going to be happy on steamed broccoli and chicken for the rest of your life? And I'm really not trying to put men down. I promise. I'm not trying to put men down. But ladies, if you're going to a male trainer based on his aesthetics, you're probably not going to get a great trainer. I'm sorry. I've watched that kind of trainer my whole career. And to hear the nonsense that comes out of the bro science mouth of a man who's like this big, it's just my opinion, I guess. But I wouldn't recommend hiring a bodybuilder to be your trainer. Let's just say that.

Speaker C: Yeah, I think what you said there is so important. I remember my first coach, and I love him, but he was first of all a man, never married, no kids, and much younger than me. And I loved him. He pushed me in areas that I might not have. But thinking about who I would seek out now is I'd probably seek out someone like in their 80s who's been married a long time, had lots of kids, some difficult situations, because that reflects where I'm going, where I'm headed. And so it is interesting to think about who would understand my situation best, who has been through similar experiences that I have and gotten some sort of I hate this whole results oriented, but has experience with what I'm going through. There's a lot of women in menopause that I know now because I'm in that age range, and not a lot of these professionals in the wellness space are talking about menopause, but there are some really great ones. And so if what you're dealing with, why would you go to a 20 year old? They don't know what. You're going through. I really like what you said there about choosing someone who kind of aligns with what you're going through and where you want to go.

Speaker D: Thank you.

Speaker A: Yeah. And I love the information that you're providing to kind of guide and help others to find that support. And I'm curious, what was the support like on your personal journey with close friends, family, because you went from a size zero to leaning into what's best for you. So you changed, and you has evolved mentally, I'm sure, just as much as so what was that dynamic like? Was there a lot of resistance? Was there support? What did it look like on your end?

Speaker D: There was all the above. I mean, there were people who the interesting thing that last transformation, I was working at a gym in New York City, and so many people saw me go from 170 pounds to 120 pounds. And it's interesting when people kind of watch that. They feel that it's okay to talk to you about your own body. And I didn't have the words then because it felt so just stop talking about my body. Stop talking about how skinny I am. And women would call me a skinny *****, and it's like, Why are you coming at me? I'm doing this for myself, not for you. But now I have such a strong voice in the fact that it's like, hey, my body is none of your business. We are not going to talk about my body in that way. And I had to apply that to family members. I had to apply that to my boyfriend. I had to apply that to people who just still are all consumed with talking about people's bodies. Not here. And I did have to let go of some relationships, but I also strengthened some relationships during all this time. And I realized, and I don't know if this kind of fits your question, but I will tell you that when I got stronger within myself and built a stronger relationship with myself, I realized how much of that outside stuff I didn't need anymore. And of course I love having friends, of course I love my boyfriend, but I don't need that anymore. I need myself, and I need to take care of myself.

Speaker C: That's so profound, the boundary that you were able to name just there, because that's a big deal, that our bodies somehow belong to everyone else because they have to look at us, and then we owe them something, and they get to talk about it. I mean, it's so big, it gave me goosebumps because we're not really aware of it until something like that happens. And I had a totally different reaction. Like, I was pretty healthy, and I had a workout regimen and everything, and then I just started losing weight. It just started coming off and coming off and coming off. I thought I was healthy before as I lost weight, people were like, you look so great. And I got all this attention. In the end, I had been getting really sick and didn't know. So the praise and the adulation that I got for being thin was equated with my illness. So that is just unfucking believable. This is what you people think looks good? You're crazy. This is not okay. This is not okay. My worth doesn't come from how I look to you, which is what you said. And that is such a powerful thing. I think, especially as a woman in middle age, let's say that there is just like actively campaigns to keep us from getting the strength that you are exhibiting right now in terms of Botox and all the things I used to get them. So I'm not saying like, oh, I'm great, I used to get Botox, I did all the things, used all the products until I finally realized it comes from inside our power, strength, our joy, everything is an inside job.

Speaker D: Yeah.

Speaker A: And it's so toxic in a sense that people are consumed chasing that mold or that physique. And how in the gym environments, there's so much shaming and judgment that it does push people away from wanting to take care of their bodies, especially for medical reasons. And it's like breaking that stigma of the gym is meant for ripped people or size zero. But I just want to go in there and even as a male, I go in there and if I'm not at the free weight side, oh, I'm not strong enough because I'm using a machine. You get that. And it's just there's so much, there's so much shaming going on in a gym that it discourages people from even going to take care of themselves. And so they do try the special diets or whatever, gimmicks on an ad on social media or whatnot. And it's just like you just want to shake people and create a space to where there's a gym that's shame free, but you're still going to get people that show up and it's like, how do you have the drive? It comes within. I know that's the answer. But if you could talk on it, what fuels getting past all the negative stuff?

Speaker D: That's a big question. And unfortunately, even though in this time, 2023, women are much more empowered and we have much more broader women as role models, it's still not enough to create an environment like that yet. And that's when I mentioned to you earlier on days when I want to quit, I can't because there are so many people like you said, who are ashamed because of the size of their body and they could be perfectly healthy, but they don't want to go into a gym because they don't want to feel that way. And even women that I know who have opened gyms that are size inclusive, they're not lasting. And it's sad because again, we associate so strongly a gym is for fit people, this is for thin people. That is for if you're perfect. And that could not be further away from the reality of we're all so different. We come in different shapes, sizes and colors and speak 1000 different languages. Like, how much more proof do you need that it's okay to be different? I don't know. I don't know if we're going to get there in our lifetime. I'm going to do my best. That's all I can promise.

Speaker C: Randy's question and your response made me think of our other co host, Tracy, who has a practice of devotion to self right, devotion to wellness for all bodies. And I think this is really something that's very important. Like I am devotional to my well being rather than I am devotional to being a size two that we have to open up the idea. It's been a great experience having been an athlete and being around a lot of athletes because I see a lot of strong bodies. They're not models bodies. I'm not saying that models aren't strong and healthy, but there is a lot of controversy in that field. I think it's very inspiring to see how people use their bodies, whether it's walking, running, flipping, turning, riding horses, surfing, all of these things that I guess is the question is, like, how does my body support what I want to do in the world? And what does it need from me to be able to support what I want to do in the world for as long as I'm able to do it, instead of going hard, going fast, and burning it all out?

Speaker D: I think the simple answer to that is if we could all start seeing our body as a gift and the fact that we wake up every day and get to move. Even if you're talking about, like, what you said, people in special circumstances that don't have all their what is the correct term, the use of their body, they can still move, they can still do stuff. They can still be active in the world and take care of themselves and do things that make them happy. If you wake and I know that this is like a meme, but if you wake up every day, that is a gift and you should be grateful as hell for that. Because this time, especially as you and I are talking about we're in our fifty s now, it's like it is going fast, you know what I mean? I'm turning 52 in a couple of weeks and it's like, wait, I was just 20, what is happening? So the fact that I've taught myself to be grateful no matter what's going on in my life every single day that I can move and talk and think and be in this world, I wish that upon everyone to be honest with you. And how much time I wasted hating my body and being angry at my body and feeling betrayed by my body if I could only get those 40 years back, but I can't. So I can only choose to be on the other side of that for the rest of my days, right.

Speaker C: I had a health issue a couple of years ago, and I was really just flat on my back. And it's in those moments that obviously I had gratitude, but I found a new level of gratitude for what I had put my body through all of these years because I wasn't able to. And there was a lot of depression around not being able to and a lot of identity issues about what I used to be, what I am now, what the future holds. And unfortunately, I think that illness is one of these places where we learn humility and gratitude. And so us saying, like, you should be grateful every day, it's like, unfortunately, I know the odds are until something happens to you, you're probably not going to find that gratitude. And speaking to young people who are just able to run and jump, a lot of them, let's say a healthy young person, doesn't know what it's like not to be able to. And so bringing the awareness to can you do this with your arms? Some people can't, right? Can you jump on feet? Some people can't. To bring awareness to the amazing things that our body does, just even in terms of healing itself. If we listen. If we listen. So your mission so important. Can you tell us a little bit about your book, the title of your book where people can find your book?

Speaker D: Of course, The Donut Diaries is a very personal message for me. And I chose the title specifically because when I was a little girl, donuts were something that brought me joy, right? My uncle would take me to a donut shop and we'd pick out a donut, and it was quality time and it was just fun. And of course, when you become aware of your body and that negative thing, and here's all these things I can never eat again because they're going to make me fat. Donuts were, of course, on that list. And I just remember when I decided to completely stop restricting, a donut was the first thing I wanted. And I wanted to sit there in Central Park with my giant pumpkin donut and sit there on a bench and eat it and let people walk by and look at me. Having a donut before, it would be like, how can I shove this in my mouth the fastest way possible so no one sees me? And again, that's just in my head. People are probably not watching, but that's what you believe when you're eating something bad. But no, I was out there in the open enjoying my donut, and when I decided that this book was really going to happen, there was no better title for it.

Speaker C: There was something that you mentioned just there. And I wonder if you could talk a little bit about this as well. You equated eating the donut with this relational experience that you had with your uncle. And I think a lot of people that are struggling with food issues have a relational component there. We're coming into the holiday season. Food is a huge deal for a lot of people around that there is a complex relationship between getting together for the holidays, which causes a lot of stress, combination of food issues that may or may not serve your body, your particular body, and then the stories that we tell ourselves. Do you want to dive into that for next few minutes?

Speaker D: Yeah, of course. Listen, everything you said is completely true and accurate and I can speak to the people who are still looking at Thursday and dreading it. I know that you can't change 40 years in one day, but maybe do one thing different. Sit there and have that one role that you are not going to allow yourself or have a second helping of the stuffing because it was so good, or allow yourself to have that pie. And even if it has to be something you tell yourself from starting today, one meal is not going to make me fat. And I think that that can start the healing journey because we put so much pressure on ourselves to not eat this and not eat that, especially around this time of the year. And a lot of people do just dread the holidays. And again, like you, I'm thankfully free of that and I can't wait to shove whatever comes my way in my mouth, right? But it wasn't always like that for me. And I do remember the days of like, oh, let me have a piece of this and a piece of that. Oh, I'm full, I'm fine. Or I would overindulge and just beat myself up about it. So I had both experiences when it came to these meals. But it's a day, it's one meal, enjoy it. And I was on another podcast, we were talking about this. And even if you can take that day and do something for yourself, do something like maybe just kind of sit in your oasis of your bedroom or the living room by yourself for like 30 minutes and just kind of center yourself or go for a walk or do something that is just about you that day. Because I get it, it can be really overwhelming. So just try one thing different this year. Just one thing.

Speaker C: Yeah. We like to talk about baby steps or titration when you're trying to change, right? It's not going to happen overnight. So I like that idea. I like that idea. I also was thinking that the story you tell yourself as you're putting the food in your mouth is charging the food with some sort of energetic charge. So if you're like, this is delicious, I'm enjoying this instead of saying, oh, I shouldn't eat this. This is really bad for me in the present moment, can you just enjoy that? Because I think when we shove the food that we shouldn't quotes, I'm putting quotes we're like infusing that food with all that negativity and that is not healthy to eat as well. I just don't believe it is.

Speaker D: That's true. And I forget that aspect of it. That's a very good point.

Speaker A: I just can't help but resonate with staying present, not worrying about what that's going to do to you down the road and not where you've been thinking previously, to just be present. And if your body's calling for something or if you get that smell of a certain dish, I'm fully supportive of it. Dive in. Live your best life. Whatever you believe in right now is all you have. And so live that best life that's for you and not for so, like, you've touched on so much and I couldn't help but after Kim said that, I was like, just be present with yourself. What do you need in this moment? What feels right to you in the moment? That's what you lean into. And taking, in a sense, the pause to give yourself some time, that can help with that negative self talk. Maybe you need to go journal it.

Speaker C: Out.

Speaker A: Sneak into the bathroom and break out your little notepad or type on your phone. Do what you need to do to support yourself and know that it's all within I mean, I think that's the biggest message is that you bring forward is we are all unique individuals and we are not the same. And so to use that as your power, it's all within us. You just got to uncover it and you got to try things that may or may not work to discover what will work. And so I'm just very thankful for this conversation and bringing it forward, especially as we're coming up on the holidays. I can only imagine how difficult it is for people that are struggling with this. So definitely want to honor that and thank you for coming forward.

Speaker D: You're welcome. I do want to just really add on to the whole holiday thing. I love to say, give yourself permission, give yourself permission to do something different this year than you've done every other year. And I think that if you think about it in those terms, like, oh, this is myself, this is my body, I get to choose. I think it does start to bring it. Give yourself some relief. I do believe that.

Speaker C: I agree. Thank you for that.

Speaker A: Well, as always, we'll drop every way that we know to get a hold of you through social media, your website. Is there anything else that you would want to say of how people get in touch with you or is that kind of the best way?

Speaker D: Social media? My website, my book is on Amazon. I do love to tell people I am not too big for my like, I will totally engage with you on social media. I love having these conversations. And if there is anything that you want to talk about and just have a conversation and I don't even mean hire me or use my services. Like, if you just want a woman who, you know, has literally been through this and you want to talk about it, please reach out. I'm always willing to have a conversation.

Speaker C: Can you just shout that out? Because I know some people listen to this podcast in the car. So just shout out where they can do it, and then that might help.

Speaker D: Yeah, of course. Rachel Lavin wellness on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and my website is the same. Rachel Lavin Wellness and then The Donut Diaries is my book. That's on Amazon. Yay.

Speaker C: And I just wanted to say that when you said your business in New York shut down during COVID and in my mind, I was like, Redirection, that's where you're supposed to be. You're supposed to go someplace else, write the book, serve a different population. So I'm sorry that that happened to you. And on the other hand, I'm really grateful that you've put your story out into the world because I think it's really important.

Speaker D: Thank you. I appreciate it. I definitely look at that time as it was meant to be, for sure. It's just a fact. There's no negative feelings towards it.

Speaker A: Well, once again, thanks for coming on and having this conversation and being present in the moment with us.

Speaker D: Well, thank you so much for having me.

Speaker A: Awesome. Thank you. Well, till next time.

Speaker C: See you next time.

Speaker D: If you like this episode, please be.

Speaker B: Sure to like it, share it, and write a brief review.

Speaker C: If you want to support us in our efforts to grow this show, you can become a sponsor by following the link in our show notes.

Speaker A: Please reach out through our IG page with show ideas and topics.